I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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