Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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