So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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