So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
