your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
