I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
