She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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