I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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