and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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