rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize