and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
