So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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