I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
