just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
