I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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