I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
