physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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