You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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