I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Randomize
