Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
