Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
