For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
