So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
