Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
