I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
