Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
