How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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