I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
