I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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