Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
