if i can run in heels then i can drive
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
