Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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