i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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