I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
