census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
