Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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