Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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