her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
