Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
