Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
