my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
