fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
