i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
