Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
