I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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