he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
