Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
