If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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