Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
