i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
