i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
