I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
