Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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