Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
