i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
