i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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