I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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