So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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