I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize