I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
