escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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