i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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