hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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