the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize