we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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