i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
