I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize