Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
