I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
