im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
