i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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