You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
