My friends, they love my intelligence
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize