I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
