being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
