i just had sex bonerless
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
