I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
