New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
