he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
