I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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