Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Randomize
