I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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