highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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