How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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