he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
