i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
