Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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