Got a toothbrush?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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