i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
