So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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