Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
