My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i think i just lost a toe
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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