I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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