I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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