you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
