alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
