I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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